Inspirational · journey

Safe Havens

I don’t think there is anyone who likes to find themselves in an uncomfortable position. So by default, we as human beings usually create hiding holes for ourselves. A hiding hole by my very own ebonics definition, is a safe place that shields us from danger or discomfort. Many addictions are birthed in safe places.

For me, my hiding hole has for a long time been isolation. In my lifetime I would have experienced unbelievable hurt which sadly was inflicted by my parents. As I grew older, friendships and romantic relationships became sources of disappointment for me. Instead of seeing people for who they really are, as imperfect beings, I unrealistically expected that those close to me would never hurt me.

Then I stumbled across my safe place. If I kept to myself and kept people at arms’ length, then no one would get close enough to cause me hurt. And so that worked for me for years and years. But what happens when your safe place becomes your prison? What happens when the very thing that you learned to protect yourself, ends up being a trap?

No human being is wired to be alone or to stand alone. I have come to realize that the richest element of our lives is rooted in the relationships that we foster.

This revelation though, caused me to think on the many hiding holes that exist today. For some, drugs and alcohol has been their safe haven and has been an anesthetic to their reality while others have turned to technology. Some even use their phones as a guise to avoid contact with others in a new environment.

Sometimes life will hand us experiences that are beyond heart wrenching and there is a popular belief which states that time heals. However I have learnt that time does not heal anything. Facing that hurt, disappointment or grievance is what will bring healing. Sweeping them under the carpet long enough will not only cause us to seek traps which are disguised as safe havens, but they will trip us up and cause those wounds to fester.

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